The independent hero
The fear and misconception of dependence
Western culture strives for independence since birth. Our greatest achievement is to become independent, not just financially but also emotionally, for dependence is seen as one of the greatest character flaws anyone can have.
So, we start by sending our babies to separate rooms or putting them in beds far away from the mother's bosom and tender embrace. Because they must not be attached to care, they must strive for independence like real heroes. Maturing in the dark, cold night without asking for presence or connection. “My baby sleeps all night.”
Because the baby must not mess with the couple’s or adult’s needs and life, she must know her place and not throw a tantrum when the adults neglect her ancient and basic need for soul nourishment.
And so it begins with our detached life in western culture, like abandoned heroes and landless wanderers. Believing with all our bodies that we are alone and disconnected and that we are strong and special for that.
Life goes on with its ups and downs, and all society tells us we cannot be clingy, tender, or vulnerable. So, we build our own shields and armor and use them daily, trying to mend our inner fragments. But hey, we become independent and do not even remember how it would be otherwise. We are led to believe that independence is the pinnacle of human evolution. “I’m controlling my life.”
But what if… what if we could have experienced the warm, tender, and attentive embrace of our mother and other caregivers, without rules or timings.
What if we could feel the deep and ancient connection like a warm blanket in the cold nights, feeling the protection of really belonging?
What if we played outside with all the sentient rocks, plants, animals, streams, and dirt?
What if we learned all this kin as part of our extended family, nurturing us?
What if we remembered that all our being is immersed and sustained by the land we dwell in?
What if we discovered that independence is impossible in a systemic reality?
What if we no longer fear inter-dependence because we realized that it does not take away our freedom or identity, that, in fact, it expands our whole sense of self and presence?
What if we learned to strive to be our diverse singular selves in an interdependent world, nurtured and nurturing back in reciprocity?
Because this lonely independence takes us away from the mystical fabric of creation, from being part of the magical responsibility of the ongoing co-emergence of these interconnected sentient systems that we are part of since the dawn of time. “Being independent” creates a delusion of separation between the outside and the inside, me and them. It keeps us isolated from the immanent landscapes surrounding and creating us from the dawn of time, maintaining an illusion of safety from harsh wild things.
