~ Siduri ~ Part 1
The Abundant and Alchemical Embrace of the Underworld
[>Part 2 here<] [>Part 3 here<] [>Part 4 here<]
Before reading the almost five thousand-year-old texts that gave rise to this story, I dreamt of Siduri several times. Although I didn't yet know her name, she lovingly rocked me back to life. These are dreams that I won't share, but they were the key to this eco-mythological framework of mourning and love.
The encounter between Gilgamesh inspired this tale in three parts, here called the Great Auroch, and Siduri, the Veiled Goddess. This part of the epic was recorded in the oldest Babylonian versions – because in the most recent ones Siduri almost disappears, losing her name and becoming a young prostitute attached to the banal pleasures of Life, who only shows the violent hero the way in his search for immortality. To articulate what Siduri instinctively and intuitively instilled into me, I took my time and read books and articles that structured and rescued her value, dignity, and presence as a Veiled Goddess. Specifically in the work of researchers Tzvi Abusch (2015), W. F. Albright (1920) and M.L. West (1997), who have been invaluable in giving body and context to Siduri's immanent wisdom.
This will be the first of a series of articles on Siduri. I’ll start with three short stories.
The great Auroch lost in the abyss
The great Auroch, as his people called him, was anguished and lost, wandering through the stony and bare landscape. He had lost his important king's robes and was wrapped in a lion's skin, suffering and aimless. Everything hurt. Grief and loss over his twin had seeped into his soul, breaking his will and sucking the life out of him. He felt abandoned and empty. Through the mountains and the steppe, he continued in agony and aimlessly. His twin, a man of living clay and primal Nature, the son of silence and rock, from the cradle of the mountains, raised by the animals and suckled with their milk, had run wild with the gazelles and drunk the dew with the herds. He had been powerful and free. He looked after the steppe, wandering all day in the mountains, freeing animals from hunters' traps, feeding on herbs and roots, and knowing the language of dreams and water. The man of living clay did everything for the Great Auroch; for him, he travelled to the world of the dead and back. Later, the son of silence and rock saddened his heart fatally and definitively by the violence done together with the Great Auroch.
Together, they had destroyed enemies and allies, forests, animals, relics, tools, and relations with the gods. Together, they killed the Cosmic Bull and cut down the Cedar Forest. They annihilated the god's home, and the goddess's throne, by force and violence. They felled the sumptuous cedars that grew along the mountainside, which no longer cast their pleasant and cheerful shadows. Furthermore, they both cut down the trees covered in hundred-foot-high vines, with resin dripping down like raindrops, swallowed up by the ravines. They silenced the birdsong that filled the woods. The stork and the rooster stopped bringing joy to the forest that had now been cut down, the mother monkeys were also silenced, and the babies never stopped crying.
In the end, the living clay man, brave and sacred, also succumbed to anger and pain, guilt and agony. The mule and donkey of the mountains, the panther of the steppe, broke down, his heart cracked, and his body withered. Not even the screams and tears that claimed him returned. The violence done outside echoed inside. Like the forest, the son of silence and rock disappeared and died. After six days and seven nights watching over his body, the Great Auroch, as they called him, was now walking in despair, alone and aimless.
After so much walking, he doesn't remember how he ended up here. But he also climbed mountains. Someone may have brought him here by boat. In the confusion of his anguished mind and his heart, heavy and empty with the finiteness of life, he can only remember the setting sun, blinding on the horizon, and the brightness of the morning star. He doesn't know how he got here. Suddenly, she glimpses a faint light, and from it emerges a garden of dazzling beauty, an orchard full of precious stones.
The Veiled Goddess
The Veiled Goddess has lived here for as long as she can remember. Right here, behind the mist, on the shore between the world of the living and the dead, where the sun and the moon meet and the dawn dances. Here, in the orchard by the sea, at the confluence of the four rivers. Hers is a garden abundant with Life, right on the edge of the underworld. Hers is the passage and rest between dimensions, the place of repose, the ultimate pause on the road to Death or the rescue of Life. Her paradisiacal and luxuriant garden is full of iridescent insects, golden beetles, colourful moths and busy bees. The bushes and trees have splashes of fragrant flowers, juicy berries, ripe fruits dripping with honey and vibrantly coloured birds that shake the branches, filling the air with their chirping. In its garden, ancient carob, cedar, fig, raspberry, and date palm trees surround a massive vine that hangs down, beautiful to look at, thorny and ancient. The juicy, sweet grapes make the best nectar that helps travellers to pass through and change their skin. But malachite also grows like fruit and lapis lazuli like bunches of grapes, because here, precious gems mix with delicious fruit.
The Veiled Goddess of the Dawn sits on the vine, dances and curls up, she is the nymph-woman Siduri Sabiltu the tavern-keeper, on the sea throne, with a veil over her head. She is the serpent, the guardian of the primal vine, the Tree of Life, Sensuality, and Wisdom; she cares for it, and their existences are deeply intertwined. Her throne of divine sovereignty is made of rippling, impermanent water, like the floating wisdom of power itself.
Here, in the oasis at the confluence of the four rivers, the Veiled Goddess has her home, kitchen and tavern, where she keeps pots and jars, for this is also a place to share with travellers on the threshold of Life, laden with sorrows, griefs, and passions. The soil of her garden is made from the nourishing decomposition of shards, pains, heartaches, transformations, passions, and hardships. But also the joys. This fertile soil allows for the regeneration of the abundant Paradise, where Siduri-Sabiltu offers her lap, attention, and tenderness, the place of listening and care.
Her older sister, who knows the rites of ancient banquets, had taught her to mix the sacred waters of the four rivers in a pit, knead the dough for barley bread with date jam and honey, and bake it twice in the large oven. It is in her kitchen on the edge of the world and the sea that Siduri-Sabiltu, the Veiled Goddess, Oracle of the Wisdom of Fermentation, puts the piles of hulled grain in order, watering the malt placed in the container while the waves rise and fall. Here, in her tavern between worlds, Siduri, the Goddess of Life and Guardian of the Vineyard, spreads the boiled wort on large reed mats, holding the sweet wort in both hands, preparing it with honey and wine.
The Veiled Goddess, Siduri, uses the golden containers given to her by the gods to filter the grape juice and collect the liquid. A liquid that drips, a drink that lulls and hypnotises. Siduri, who knows the secrets of fermentation, beer, wine and bread, opens the doors of her house to those who come to her lost. She offers a meal of thick beer, fruits of wisdom, dark bread and hot wine. Through affection, travellers between worlds are freed from life's hardships, release the ego's worries and desires and let go of the anxieties and disconsolation of the soul. Here, sorrows and grief can be regenerated back to life. The magical wine of Siduri has the attributes of Life and wisdom, shining and shimmering like a serpent, being both seductive and cruelly striking. Siduri-Sabiltu, the Veiled Goddess of Life, is both old and young. She knows the protocols of the underworld and in this place between worlds, she offers travellers rituals, ceremonies, and libations of rebirth and skin changes because this is not a place of no return. She has the ancient wisdom of the body, of the sacred flow of emotions to move mourning, dancing and celebrating back to Life, through banquets honouring the dead or journeying through the waters of Death. Hers is the wisdom of affection, tenderness and love, delight and presence, through the abundance of Nature.
Banquet on the Threshold
Siduri sees a large, menacing-looking man coming as she stirs the dough with the honey. He has the flesh of god and man and, like a great bull, advances ferociously towards her tavern. He looks like a sick animal, a stranger alienated from himself, coming from far away, a murderer who dominates everything around him with violence born of mortal despair. There was grief in his guts. He was lost and far from home. Siduri looked at him, slammed the door shut, and then hurried to the roof. "Why did you look at me and lock your door with a bolt? I'll break the door, I'll break the bolt!" – the man with the flesh of god and man says to her in anger.
The Veiled Goddess, recognising the pain of deep mourning, stops fearing his aggression and climbs down from the roof to open the bolt. Back in her kitchen, she listens to him lovingly as he tells his story and offers him a meal of wine and bread. She listens to his pain in a time without time, welcoming the despair pouring out of his gut. The Great Auroch, as they called him, tells how the loss of his twin consumes his heart. He speaks of the fear of Death and the weight of guilt, mortification, and grief that tears at his insides.
Siduri patiently listens to her howling lament, in a time without time. Patiently Siduri kneads, bakes, stirs, and filters. Ritually, Siduri sings, and together they feast. They revel and dance to the rhythm of fermentation and alchemy, of the liquid that spills, of the drink that lulls and hypnotises, seduces, fascinates and enchants. In an intense and cathartic dance, in a ritual that nourishes and regenerates bonds, those that cyclically sustain pain and mourning through joy. In the intimate ritual, the Veiled Goddess-woman reveals herself to the man in the flesh of a god, offering him the blessing of seeing her face. The man, who once wandered aimlessly because he had lost his sense of being alive, regains serenity in his heart and says to her: "Now that I have seen your face, may I not see Death." His heart's anxious tribulations quietened after the rest and the libations. The transition back to Life was almost complete, the skin had nearly changed.
Siduri-Sabiltu, the Veiled Goddess of Life, both old and new, in the vineyard sits, dances and curls. On the throne of the sea, she is the serpent, the guardian of the primal vine, the Tree of Life, Sensuality, and Wisdom. She shares her wisdom with the traveller: "If you seek immortality, you will not find it, for the gods created man and Death imposed it on him. May your belly be full, may you rejoice day and night, and cherish joy every day. Dance and have fun day and night! May your clothes be clean, your head be washed, and you be bathed in water! Look at the child holding your hand. May a wife always rejoice and delight in your lap." This is the wisdom of tenderness and love, of delight and presence, through the abundance and regeneration of Nature. This is the wisdom of relationships, intimacy, and libations, of returning to the body and to touch, of ablution in sacred waters.
This is the place of joy, intimacy, pleasure, and play, of smelling, sensing, and tasting. Every day, cultivating and celebrating the delicate and potent pleasure and presence of the hands and heart. This is the nectar for the despair of the pain of Death and annihilation. These are the instructions for kneading the ancestral bread of relationships that consecrate us back to Life, moving through mourning. The crossing is challenging, the path narrow, but the king eventually returns.
After the story, take some time to feel how it relates to you and what unfolds and resonates with your unique context.
What follows is not a symbolic interpretation of the story, exiling it into a single narrative. There is a unique symbiotic dialogue with the living layers of the tale that is yours to feel, sense and travel through. The following articles are mythical, historical and carry transcontextual information that resonates with the pulsating realm of the story.
[>Part 2 here<] [>Part 3 here<] [>Part 4 here<]
References
Abusch, Tzvi. Male and Female in the Epic of Gilgamesh: Encounters, Literary History, and Interpretation. Pennsylvania State University Press, 2015.
Albright, W. F. "The Goddess of Life and Wisdom." The American Journal of Semitic Languages and Literatures, vol. 36, no. 4, 1920, pp. 258-294. The University of Chicago Press, https://www.jstor.org/stable/528330.
Barron, Patrick. "The Separation of Wild Animal Nature and Human Nature in Gilgamesh: Roots of a Contemporary Theme." PPL - EBSCO, 2002, pp. 377-394.
Brown, Adrienne Maree. Pleasure Activism: The Politics of Feeling Good. Edited by Adrienne Maree Brown, AK Press, 2019."
Climate Change: From Gilgamesh to Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy." The Marginalia Review of Books, April 22, 2022, https://themarginaliareview.com/climate-change-from-gilgamesh-to-hitchhikers-guide-to-the-galaxy/. Accessed September 30, 2023.
Dijk-Coombes, Renate M van. "'He Rose And Entered Before The Goddess': Gilgamesh's Interactions With The Goddesses In The Epic Of Gilgamesh." Journal of Northwest Semitic Languages, vol. 44, no. 1, 2018, pp. 61-80. Stellenbosch University.
Dolph, Steve. "The Nature of Our Ruin: Part 1 - PPEH Lab." PPEH Lab, 17 December 2015, http://ppehlab.squarespace.com/blogposts/2015/12/17/the-nature-of-our-ruin-part-1. Accessed September 30, 2023.
Grahn, Judy. "Ecology of the Erotic in a Myth of Inanna." International Journal of Transpersonal Studies, vol. 29, no. 2, 2010, pp. 58-67. http://dx.doi.org/10.24972/ijts.2010.29.2.58.
McClellan, Andrew M. "Opinion: A Warning from the Dawn of History Echoes in Today's Debate Over Climate Change." Times of San Diego, October 9, 2021, https://timesofsandiego.com/opinion/2021/10/09/a-warning-from-the-dawn-of-history-echoes-in-todays-debate-over-climate-change/. Accessed September 30, 2023."
(rude diagnostic exercise) - Gesturing Towards Decolonial Futures." Gesturing Towards Decolonial Futures, https://decolonialfutures.net/modern-colonial-infrastructures/. Accessed September 30, 2023.
Sentesy, Mark. The Ecological Predicament Of The Epic Of Gilgamesh. Draft ed., 2022.Sin-leqi-unninni. He whom the abyss saw: Epic of Gilgamesh. Autêntica, 2017.
Verlie, Blanche. Learning to Live with Climate Change: From Anxiety to Transformation. Routledge, 2023.
West, Martin Litchfield. The east face of Helicon: west Asiatic elements in Greek poetry and myth.
Siduri’s Nectar
Fermented Wisdom at the Edge of the Underworld
These posts have been updated and edited in a printed book.
At the misty thresholds where life ferments into death, and death feeds new forms of life, stands Siduri. Forgotten goddess, veiled innkeeper, alchemical oracle. Before she was erased and reduced to a mere roadside distraction in the Epic of Gilgamesh, Siduri was a guardian of paradox and pleasure, an elder of ecological wisdom and sacred hospitality.
In this mythopoetic and eco-relational text, Siduri’s Nectar distills an ancient dream into contemporary ferment. Woven from years of study, ritual, grief, and dream, Sofia Batalha reclaims Siduri’s presence from the margins of myth and invites readers into a sensual, cyclical ecology of mourning and renewal.
Through storytelling, dreams, etymologies, lamentation, and the symbolic nectar of fermentation, Siduri’s Nectar offers an invitation to sit on the warm stone beside the veiled goddess, to sip from her cup, to mourn what must be mourned, and to feel your way, again and again, back into life.
This is a book for those: tending grief that won’t resolve into solutions; composting illusions of control and superiority; dreaming with the earth, not above her; seeking an embodied mythic literacy beyond patriarchal and extractive logics.
I’m working to make all posts open to everyone. Paid subscriptions help support the depth of this research, allowing these narratives to continue gestating outside institutional and market demands. You’re invited to support if you feel called, but your presence here, as a living witness, is already part of the story.
Honor hystera. Re-member. Response-ability. (Un)learn together.
This is not a hero’s journey. This is a remembering.